| wow. so much has changed and in so little time. i felt i was long over due for a report. Not really for anyone because if people want to find out what is going on in my life they should jsut ask but its more for me. To clear my head and get everything on paper to examine and in my nature over analyze. To make things easier im going to just write out a list. 1. Boys- lol. doesn't this seem to be the catagory thats always changing. Well currently I am dating this fabulous guy that i met this year. Its almost been a month, which is surprising looking at my history. He's mainly great except for the fact sometimes i have no clue whats going on in his head/heart. Sometimes i wonder what hes thinking about our relationship and if hes mad i can never tell or more importantly if hes even happy with it. I guess boys are jsut a mystery to me. Just sometimes i wish he'd let me know or at least more often then what he is now. But all relationships aren't perfect so if this is the one kink, then i guess ill jsut have to figure it out on my own. Just sometimes feel like i like him more than me which causes me to overanalyze what i do and in turn by not doing something, i overanalyze the effects of me not doing it. lol. wow im too complicated for my own good. 2. Friends- wow. so over the summer the most friend altering occurence happened. Well actually two. The first would be when Sam decided to never talk to me again. So i guess the twins seperated? And all over a boy too. But that is her decision and i try to respect that, jsut can't believe someone would end a friendship over something that frivoulous but w/e. The second would be losing Matt. When we broke up i still wanted to be friends but apparently you cant do that with someone that has fallen in love with you. Even if they had promised so. Funny thing is, is that i miss Matt more than i miss Sam. He was always there for me, even more so then my supposed 'twin'. I never thought i could actually depend on someone like i did him. After we split he said it was too hard to talk to me so i cut off communication. I had to be the one to do it, and i still can't believe i did. It was like cutting off my life line. The one person in the world that kept me sane. So after cutting it off i kinda was in a shitty place but i bounced back. Thank god. Just feel so out of tune without him. Wish i could talk to him. But i do have my BPFL who is amazing. Other than that i would say my friends are good. sometimes rocky but what friendships arent? 3. School- man. Honestly i don't know how im handling seven classes especially my zero hour. I mean come on, I'm definatly not a morning person. But somehow grades are ok and im really enjoying my classes even if i get lost daily. I really like all of my teachers except for two-Ms Henschen and Mr. Johnson. God. Ms Henschen i can deal with becuase half of that class is working on stuff outside of the classroom, but Mr Johnson is a whole other issue. I swear if i don't end up with detention or a referral by the end of the year, then i'm lucky. Hes so angry and mean. First off he dress coded me. for something that no one in my three years at corona has even batted an eye at. Second off, he treats me like im a little blonde girl that is stupid, which is ridiculous considering i have a 99 in the class! Hes jsut a bitter old fart stuck in his ways. He even dared to talk down about the arts programs in this school which was infuriating. God i hate him so much. Thank goodness for Mel, even if she did end up dropping. This year i jsut feel stupider, as if i don't know whats going on in my classes half the time. But im working my ass off, more than the last three years combined. The only class that is continuing to give me gripe is APUSH. I dont know why but those tests just suck. I can't concentrate and the questions seem tricky. The worst thing is that its not even a subject i like, in fact its probably my least favorite subject so i don't really like to give it the extra time it needs. In all reality im jsut kinda burnt out from the work so this break is going to be great. Other than the fact that a majority of my friends are going to Mexico but ill deal. Hopefully i'll get to see Alex, but who knows. i swear that boy is busier than me. Other news in school is i got my NHS application in and i felt really good about it. I know its like the biggest joke club on campus, and technically i haven't been accepted yet but it jsut makes me feel accomplised. Like there is actual proof that what i am doing makes a difference in this world. Even if in reality im just another face on the train (ok ive never really rode a train before, but you know what i mean) 4. Family- I don't really have any big issues here. Except for my mom. I'm not living with her anymore and its so nice. Don't get me wrong i love her, but i love her in small timed spaced out amounts. But with the months moving on, our house is getting closer to being finished and i won't have the excuse of distance keeping me away from her. Technically i could choose to live with my dad only but i don't want to break her heart at the same time. So i really am in this mixed state and don't have an idea of what to do. I think we need to work out a lot of problems before i can ever be ok with living with her, so maybe therapy? which is eh cuase that makes me a headcase. idk. i guess ill figure it out. <3- me. |
